Malaysia
Singapore
Malaysia
Philippines
Poland
Malaysia
Found a kitty. I was visiting him daily. Eventually adopted. His name is dzidzia.
Vietnam
Been on ADHD but life was still difficult.
Crashed out when I crashed the bike.
Iām going to work on anger.
Poland
Felt healed and born again. Style changes stuck I got new routines I felt happy.
Korea
I donāt need to wrestle with God. Iām not Kanye. Iām happy to be safe with friends and family. I will always fail if I try to shoulder the world. The past is past. Iām an adult woman. Iām supported and Iām learning. Family will understand me more once I understand myself.
April
I just remembered Fahani cut her bangs for me back then
Sat, 5th April, 10:24pm
I had dysgraphia in childhood as I would write my own letters that no one could read but me. My school forced me to use bold letters as in ABCD, eventually I started copying lowercase letters from my keyboard except for a which was difficult to write and some like m which I always write uppercase as straight lines are easier for me
Mon, 31st Mar, 3:05am
Iām suspecting quetiapine might be causing me nightmares and leaving some residual feelings behind if I donāt remember the dreams
There was one time that I thought it was important for me to remember how I felt and carry it into the day, and the few times I woke up in terror it was very very very scary things
Fri, 14th Mar, 10:00pm
I had two mini breakdowns today because I couldnāt rap
sI donāt take failure and I have illusions of grandeur
I rapped for five hours and I puked saliva
I drank 5 litres of water and ate nothing
I turned the house upside down looking for a mic cable
But it doesnāt matter as long as I think
I tried rapping covering my eyes
But I canāt remember the lyrics
And I canāt stop thinking
Wed, 12th Mar, 3:25am
Iām so happy to spend night talking to Domi
Thu, 5th Mar, 3:34pm
I just drank a sip of matcha as I was getting up and immediately felt very disoriented. I lost vision for a moment and had trouble putting down the glass. I tried putting it down on an edge.
Wed, 5th Mar, 1:24pm
I had second emergency visit
Turns out that I was losing my mind
Tue, 18th Feb, 8:55pm
I realized that the fight is to be present
To feel the texture of friends hair
To feel the touch of girlfriend
Tue, 18th Feb, 7:36pm
I realized that in the near future the act of thinking, as in being able to reason, will gain a similar status to writing. Nobody will ever realize it gone, because we are still writing, just that we are not using a pen, but a keyboard.
Tue, 18th Feb, after midnight
Iāve become a Sabrina Carpenter fan
Mon, 17 Feb, 1:00pm
I decided to stop thinking about whether humanity is good or not, but wether I am happy where I am, with what Iām doing, and who I am
Monday early am (past midnight on Sunday)
I just saw this article, very hard hitting
Sunday night
Iām proud of myself for being able to handle tense situations over the day. I was able to communicate honestly, with empathy, and not give in to negative feelings. A lot of work ahead.
Sun, 16 Feb 12:45pm
Valentineās day was amazing. F remixed sounds of Warsaw metro system into a DnB set on Saturday. P and Z came over and we had a great night.
Tue, 11 Feb 9:19pm
Just stopped myself when I was overthinking like āam I productive enoughā or that āitās 6pmā, and I immediately just felt happy about having just improved kitchen. Need this more often.
Tue, 11 Feb 12:09pm
Learn to rethink and look for more options before making a choice
Sun, 9 Feb 9:18pm
Hanging out at Mās house with F. Woke up full of energy at Pās an texted her wyd. The weekend was nice, we did things without pressure. Played pickleball for her birthday, went to IKEA with P and Z, and I got a new tattoo. X helped with the tattoo.
Tue, 6 Feb 7:28pm
Iām a genius
Tue, 6 Feb 1:32am
I should work on letting more people into my world
Tue, 5 Feb 7:12pm
I just realized that getting my thoughts out is a key to just existing.
Maybe I spend more time drawing I would have less thoughts inside of me as I would produce less and get more of them out.
Tue, 4 Feb 7:16pm
I fell asleep during lash appointment and felt very relaxed. It helped not having to worry about work since I managed to focus on it in the morning and got a lot done. I should stop being avoidant about things. P.S. I bought lash tec strawberry milk and it made me happy!
Mon, 3 Feb 11:14pm
I just doodled, I like this activity, good for spirit
Mon, 3 Feb 9:52pm
I enjoyed myself today knowing life is about existing
I can still take care of myself if I do things I want
I love rapping
Mon, 3 Feb 7:32pm
Toshiba Soejima came on autoplay, feeling calm, kind of creative, not like a robot, and very awake
Mon, 3 Feb 12:42pm
Lifelike, this is what your life like, try live life your life right [..] This is like a movie, but itās really lifelike. Every single night, right, every single fight, right?
Donāt know what real is.
I feel like a large language model.
Mon, 3 Feb 12:23pm
I dreamt up a simple inventive solution to the problem at work while in Poland. I did not note it down. Recalled now and solved my issue.
KEEP WRITING SHIT DOWN
Donāt let memory fail us now
Mon, 3 Feb 3:05am
I realized in the shower that I only exist alone, and that existing with the world that surrounds me is always shutting myself down a going on autopilot. Too much in tune or dissociated.
Sometimes I wake up and feel that I skipped a few months life. But sometimes I enjoy the game when itās artificial, like embassy, banks, government offices. I feel myself around few people I like
Mon, 3 Feb 2:47am
This is the mindset I want to get into
Mon, 3 Feb 12:37am
Iāve been taking more notes recently. I think it helps me reconcile whatās inside me with what surrounds me. It might be a good opportunity to create a space for myself to get my thoughts out. Seeing Kanye alone in the crowd in Closed on Sunday touched me more than it should. I feel like a round peg in a square hole and I should do something about it while I remember.
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